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The do’s and don’ts of giving a girl a compliment

On giving a woman compliments on your first date with her, it boils down to this maxim:

No sexual references whatsoever.

Make the compliment classy, not laden with sexual undertones. Here are some examples of a compliment women will appreciate:

“You look even better than your pictures” (someone you met online)
“You smell good… what are you wearing?”
“I’m impressed you can hold a conversation, you never know when meeting someone online”
“That’s a really stunning dress you’re wearing”

Ready for the worst thing you can possibly say to her? Call her “hot.” Also, no calling her any of the following words:

“Sexy”
“Baby”
“Babe”
“Sweetie”

Never compliment her boobs, butt, legs, or any other body part. And don’t say anything that’s odd or not even true. For example, saying “You have really nice ears” will make her think you’re a creep.

I used to avoid giving women compliments at all on first dates until an experienced female friend of mine set me straight. She informed me that because women put so much attention into getting ready for their date with you– including changing outfits three times or spending an hour in front of the mirror– they eat up any genuine compliment you give her. So don’t hold back on complimenting a woman genuinely on a first date.

Finally, never give the compliment in a Howdy Doody fashion. In other words, don’t get all excited and animated as you let your compliment rip. Say it in a matter-of-fact manner way with a slight smile on your face. Then move on; don’t dwell on it. And when she says “Thank you,” answer her with only these two words…

“You’re welcome.”

 

What to say when a first date ends

Here’s a tip I got from a woman who’s experienced with men, on what to say when ending a first date. Assuming you do want to see her again, say:

“I’ve had a great time, I look forward to seeing you again.”

If it’s late (past 10pm), send her a text, “I hope you made it home OK, I really had a good time tonight.” Don’t put her in a position where she has to respond, as she might not have felt the same way. If she did like you, she will reply without hesitation. You’re opening the door but not forcing her to match your interest level.

And if you don’t want to see her again, say:

“Thanks for taking the time to meet me, have a great week/night/weekend.”

Don’t say anything else, or else you will be leading her on. It’s an indirect way of letting her know you’re not interested in seeing her again. It’s the polite thing to do.

Bonus tip: Keep this in mind: If you run into this woman again (the woman you told you’d call but never did), will you feel at peace, or will you feel “Crap, I totally told her I’d call her, and I never did.” So do the right thing and don’t say you’re going to call if you have no plans to.

 

Be interested, not interesting

Most men make the mistake of talking too much about themselves on dates. Just ask any woman what her overriding complaint is, and this is usually it.

“We had a nice little conversation about… himself”

“He talked nonstop about how much he’s loved at work, by his friends, and how much money he makes”

Instead of learning about their date, these men are too busy trying to impress them. Said another way,  instead of being interested, they’re trying to be interesting… by bragging about their job, their new car, their career prospects, their favorite sports teams, etc.

I didn’t just describe you, did I? I hope not!

I’ve been told a few times over the years what a good communicator I am. The funny thing is, I’ve never felt that I am. Here’s the secret:

Because I’m genuinely interested in what a woman is telling me, I ask follow-up questions. And since women love talking about themselves, this can go on for long time– even 45 minutes– before a single question is asked in return. The reason women have told me I’m a “communicator” is because they felt connected to me. I showed interest in their stories, not their physical appearance.

I typically talk only 20-25% of the time on a date. But because I’m listening to what they’re saying, what they’re sensing isn’t communication but… connection. My emphasis is to learn about them and be interested in their background, their likes, and their life.

Last week I asked a woman what her biggest complaint was– she was complaining about the men she was meeting on Match.com. She said that men drone on and on about themselves on first dates. And when she did begin speaking they would hijack the conversation back.

Stop trying to be interesting to women and start being interested in them instead. If you’re into her, you’ll naturally want to learn about her anyway. And by listening and asking questions, you’ll immediately set yourself apart from most other men.

Summary: Women will find you interesting simply because you find them interesting. It’s pretty simple. So stop trying so hard to impress them.

 

Emphasis equals opposite

Women who repeatedly mention a trait in themselves are more than likely doing so to cover up a truth: that they “own” the trait that they’re ashamed of.

Psychologists use the (completely nondescript) term, reaction formation, for this denial technique. From Wikipedia:

Reaction formation is a defensive process in which anxiety-producing or unacceptable emotions and impulses are mastered by exaggeration of the directly opposing tendency

The key is repetition of a firmly held belief or trait. Said one time, the statement probably is true. But when a woman repeats a statement numerous times, it should give you pause. Some examples you might hear:

  • I’m anti-marriage
  • I hate drama
  • I’m very happy
  • I don’t believe in cosmetic surgery
  • I love giving blowjobs
  • I don’t need a man
  • I’m not high maintenance
  • I absolutely hate my ex
  • My kids are number one

 

You can think of her statements as an effort in trying to convince herself of the words as much as she’s trying to convince you. Here’s a good quote from John Karter:

When someone overplays a characteristic in themselves, it often masks a trait that is completely the opposite– in other words, a darker personal quality of which they are ashamed

A very worrisome aspect of emphasis-equals-opposite is the obsessive personality many of these women have.

The mechanism of reaction formation is often characteristic of obsessional neuroses – Wikipedia.com

In my experience, philosophical statements made repeatedly by a woman usually means the opposite. If she “hates” marriage, she secretly desires marriage to a good man. If she “despises” drama, she actually is consumed by it and thrives off of it. If she “absolutely hates” her ex, deep down she has unresolved feelings for him (as the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference).

Repressing her true traits or desire is what emphasis-equals-opposite is all about… so be on the lookout for an oft-repeated statement from a woman. It’s extremely revealing to any man who is savvy enough to pick up this clue.

 

Victimhood eats a woman’s conscience

“Victims refuse to take personal responsibility for their lives”

Women who succumb to life’s challenges instead of standing up to them, also known as “taking responsibility,” develop a self-victimization mentality. Their dominant thought is one of, “Poor me.” They feel sorry for themselves and use their resulting feelings of victimhood to justify their mistreatment and manipulation of others.

Women who play the victim card are overall unhappy (and usually depressed), as their negative thinking over months and months takes its toll on their psyche. They’re pessimistic over optimistic; glass half empty over glass half full; and bent towards the negative.

But how does this victimhood mentality affect a woman’s conscience?

  • They will act out on their anger
  • They’re expert blamers; refusing to accept responsibility for their behaviors
  • They fraudulently play on a man’s sympathy to extract gain

 

The above are evidence of a woman’s disappearing boundaries of moral behavior. As women who think they’re victims also don’t think moral rules apply to them.

Instead of improving their situation and dealing with their unhappiness like a healthy adult, these women revert back to the position of a powerless child.

“[A woman] would rather feel justified in complaining endlessly about her unfortunate circumstances while passively registering her dissatisfaction than actively changing her situation” – Dr. Robert Firestone

These women refuse to take personal responsibility for their lives, and this makes them dangerous for men to date and especially marry. Until women drop their victimhood state, they should be avoided as relationship material. But don’t hold your breath, as the likelihood of them taking action and reversing this mentality is slim…

 

Women who lie about their age

Women who lie about their age are, above else…

Insecure.

It’s true, society and men specifically value a woman’s youthfulness. But with few exceptions, women who take care of themselves are desired by (adult) males of most ages.

It boils down to her confidence level. A confident woman will not hesitate in giving an honest answer to someone’s question about her age– period. Neither will she ask, “Well, how old do you think I am?” nor “You should know better than to ask a woman her age.” Furthermore, she doesn’t embrace an irrational point of view of her age that doesn’t matter to most men. The insecure woman is too vain to realize that although men do judge women by their personality and looks, she doesn’t understand that men can and do find women in their 40s and 50s attractive (assuming they’re up to date with fashion and aren’t overweight).

If a woman only lied about her age, you could perhaps give her a pass that one time. But the reality is that women who lie about something as discoverable and unalterable as their age frequently lie about other matters as well– big and small. So if you catch your new woman lying about her age, it should be a big red flag to you that she’s capable of lying about other matters.

It’s a shame, really, that women don’t know what we men know– that an attractive 45-year-old woman can be far more desirable than an attractive 25-year-old. The 25-year-old might have more youthful skin, but she also might have an attitude and a muffin top. Or she smokes a pack a day. Or lacks any flirting skills whatsoever, and kisses terribly. The list goes on and on.

A popular justification women use
One popular justification women use for lying is that– in online dating– they’re funneled to guys older than they are if they’re honest about their age. Their rational goes,

“I’m 45, and I want to date someone in their 30’s. But since guys in their 30’s are chasing women below 40, I have to put my age as 39 to get any interest.”

True, but that’s only if women sit back passively while on dating sites. When a woman who has a good profile picture reaches out and contacts a guy, she will rarely be instantly written off by men. Because when a guy sees a good pic in someone’s profile who’s contacting him, he’ll click on it to see more. And assuming her bio and photos are good, she stands a good chance of getting a response.

 

 

 

Dating professional, career women

There’s dating women, and then there’s dating professional, career women. Avoid the latter, most of the time. Especially if they’re nearing 40.

Here’s why.

Professional, career women usually delay well into their 30’s the notion of having a husband or permanent man around them. They set aside their desire to date, and instead concentrate on their careers full time. Sure, they’ll go out on the weekends, but it’s not to meet a man worth keeping. They go out to have fun with their girlfriends… not to meet eligible single men. Their satisfaction is tied to their work, and men just aren’t a priority.

I’ve seen it time and again. Meeting these women out, or seeing their Match.com profiles, they’ve never been married, no kids, and they’re professionals of some type: lawyers, entrepreneuers, bankers, MBAs, Ph.Ds, MDs, pilots, real estate agents, fitness pros, accountants, pharmaceutical saleswomen, police women, and business owners. Starting in their mid-30’s (20-somethings still could ditch their careers and settle with a man; at this point it’s too early to tell), these women start to realize that their child-bearing days are numbered, and everyone keeps asking them why they’re not married. So they go on the hunt for a husband.

This is the absolute worst time for an unsuspecting man to meet this type of woman. For she’s not into the man for him, she’s into him for what he can do for her life goals of children and (possibly) a husband. In other words, the man who ties up with her is being used as a tool with a dual purpose: give her children, and help her fill in the “married” check box. This using of men is epidemic, and sadly most men that end up in this spot never knew how badly they’ve been duped until years later.

Typically, these career women are not the nurturing type. Most women enter “caring” professions like education (teachers), medicine (nurses), child care (daycare providers), and service (customer service/sales). Which means a “professional” won’t make attentive mothers of your children, nor make efforts to be a good wife to you. They’re raised to believe men and women are both equal– so traditional male-female roles can be thrown out the window.

Professional, career women are really, in many regards, a man in a woman’s body. In their defense, they have been living in a man’s world for so long, it’s hard not to get a male brain. They drive expensive cars, flash their success (nice apartments or houses), brag about their work, and love to drink and party on the weekends.

More bluntly, these women are toxic to the men that eventually fall victim to them. These women will frequently dump their birth control (if they’re on anything at all) and try to get pregnant. Or at least being OK with getting pregnant with any man she happens to be having sex with. She thinks she would like a man or marriage partner, but if she only gets a child out of the deal at least she’s 50% of the way there. And some women are even honest to themselves that they do not want a man; they simply want a child. One woman I know that’s 39 and a lawyer went to a sperm bank and got herself pregnant through artificial insemination. The ultimate act of, “Man not required!”

Here are typical traits of the professional, career single woman:

-Very good at her job. Has advanced extraordinarily far in many cases
-Never has been married and no kids
-Type A personality
-Extremely independent and selfish
-Lacks femininity and nurturing
-Doesn’t enjoy a man taking the lead
-Dominates the conversation, and asks her date few questions
-Chooses passive boyfriends and husbands
-Doesn’t like sex that much (unless they’re trying to lure a guy or get pregnant)

Lovely list above, isn’t it? These women have been living in a man’s world for so long that they’ve taken on many masculine traits.

Summary
If you like a strong, dominant, Type A woman, then a career woman is what you should seek. Otherwise, it’s best to avoid them.

Bonus tip: The most obvious way these women reveal themselves? Without exception, they ask you little to nothing about your own career, children, hobbies, or life pursuits.

 

If a woman can hate a child…

Women are generally a nurturing species, and the easiest way to melt their heart is through a child. Even the most jaded of women will smile when a child does something cute. A woman’s instinct is to care for, love, and protect children– even a child they don’t even know.

However, there is a type of woman, gentlemen, who is capable of displaying actual contempt and hatred towards a child (even one they claim to love).

All children act out at times, some worse than others, but a normal woman is able to separate the behavior of the child from the child’s core. So a rambunctious, difficult 8-year-old boy, for example, is viewed by most women as being a typical boy, but his core is never, ever attacked. Nor is he maligned, denigrated, or otherwise put down.

But women with a cold core conflate the annoying, frustrating, and perplexing actions of a child with the child’s worthiness as a human being. Women who are with a partner who has a child from another woman will often take out any jealousy or contempt they have for that woman onto the child. Rather than viewing the child as an extension of the new man she’s with, it’s a constant reminder of the woman he was with before her.

This is extremely common, but rarely talked about. It is one of the biggest red flags that will show a man his new partner’s mental health. An emotionally healthy woman will go out of her way to make children– especially a man’s she’s into– feel accepted in her world. She’ll even sometimes neglect her own kids’ needs to meet the needs of the new child of the family.

If this is not happening, and she plays favorites with her children over her man’s from a previous relationship or marriage, that’s a serious problem. These women have rotten cores, and the damage they can do to a man’s children is not something to take lightly.

Women who are capable of having contempt for children on any level at all need to be avoided by men. If they’re this way towards the most pure and innocent of human beings, think about how they will be towards their man, or how they’re going to react when he makes a mistake. The reason that most second marriages fail is not because of financial issues, it’s because the family cannot be blended. And since the heart of the home is the woman, if the family falls apart it’s usually her fault.

So why do some women have this cruel resentment towards our little ones? It’s simple. It’s a outward display of a woman’s own insecurities, which are based on the child’s mother (a man’s ex-wife or ex-girlfriend), and the relationship he had with her. And the easiest target for her to take out her hostility is his the child.

The thing that’s so sick about this is that a man didn’t even need to have had a good relationship with the ex. It’s the fact that he one at all!

Don’t underestimate how powerful of a driver jealousy is in a woman’s life. While most women can put aside their crazy emotions and deal appropriately and lovingly with their new man’s children, there’s a good amount of women out there who can’t. We all know that women can be a little nutty sometimes, but a mentally healthy woman would never let that side of her touch a child…

What the inside of a woman’s car tells you about her

We’re all about shortcuts in life, and finding ways to understand people without wasting three years before discovering they’re a complete mess, for example.

Well, here is one extremely effective way to understand how organized or disorganized a woman’s life is:

Look at the inside of her car.

Is her car full of empty Arby’s cups, burger wrappers, trash, magazines, clothes, old receipts, melted chocolate, scattered change, and multiple pairs of shoes?

Some women could actually live off of the stuff found in their car. They’ll have in it gym bags, water bottles, snack bars, clothes, dry cleaned clothes, multiple purses, diapers, shopping bags, etc.

If a woman’s car is a mess, then you can be guaranteed that her closet, bathroom, and kitchen are a mess, too. In fact, way beyond that, you can rest assured that her entire life is a mess.

Women with messy cars are usually irresponsible, disorganized, and lack self-control in their lives.

Associated with a lack of self-control in their lives is a lack of self-esteem. After all, if you feel good about who you are, how could you live with such disorganization and filth?

Think about this. How do you feel when you enter these women’s cars and homes? It’s not a comfortable experience, is it? So if you have a hard time being in them for just five minutes, can you imagine spending your lifetime with someone who finds it acceptable to live like this? And if women are slobs when they’re single (when women should be trying their hardest to make good impressions on men), wait until you get into a relationship with them– you’ll be needing a hazmat suit and Clorox!

The flip side is the woman whose car’s interior is neat and clean. She’s the type of woman who also maintains her home– specifically her bathroom and closet (which are the biggest home-based indicators of a woman’s psychological well-being). These women are organized, take pride in their possessions and environment, and try to make a good impression on other people. All in all, they have their act together and their life under control.

An exception to this rule is the obsessive-compulsive clean freak, whose issue is not cleanliness but rather control. Stay away from women at either extreme.

And now a key point, write this one down: If a woman isn’t going to take pride in the things that she owns, she’s not going to take pride in caring for you, either. Don’t even think about correcting or fixing them, think instead about leaving them. You can’t save someone from themselves.

In writing this article, we tried to come up with women we’ve known who were exceptions to this theory, but we couldn’t think of a single one! It’s a powerful truism: A glimpse inside of a woman’s car is truly a glimpse into her overall life.

Bonus tip #1: As you part ways on a date, always insist on walking a woman back to her car. One glimpse will tell you more about her than 50 dates could.

Bonus tip #2: If you want to have a little fun with her (if her car is a mess), say this, “So, is it true what they say, ‘A girl whose car’s interior is a chaotic disaster also has a chaotic life?” Say it with a smile, of course :)