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The 80/20 conversation rule on a date

Women speak more than most men, and that definitely holds true on dates (and if you talk more than she does, what are you thinking?! That’s a future article). But when the balance of conversation becomes 80/20 or even greater, you’d better be very careful about picking this woman.

A woman who talks about herself and her life for 15, 30, or 45 minutes straight is a Huge– yes, capital H– warning sign that this woman is overly self-absorbed.

It’s important to remember that a conversation is a two-way street of information, some flowing out and some flowing in. It’s perfectly normal for the “talker” of the two to somewhat dominate the conversation. But when a long stretch of time ensues where the conversation doesn’t redirect, it should serve as a big warning sign. Remember this…

The person that does the talking learns nothing about the other person; the person that does the listening learns everything.

If your date is a heavy talker, and at the end of an hour you look back and she’s only asked you a handful of questions– and she spoke for 50 minutes while you did for only 10, what did she learn about you?

A date is essentially a job interview. You’re there to identify likes, interests, passions, and more about this person to see if there’ a connection. If she dominates the conversation, how much information did she discover about you? Not much. 

Some guys make the mistake of thinking that an 80/20 conversation means the woman isn’t interested. Not necessarily. Your equity in their eyes often rises the longer you let her go on about herself, because her favorite topic is herself (just as it is with anyone– let’s be honest). And if you give her this “Me podium” opportunity, she’s going to be in a great mood.

It’s the negative side of an 80/20 conversation that you should be aware of. She is very likely self-absorbed. As for her feelings towards you, she’s either already pre-approved you (which is why she feels no real need to ask you questions), or she has little curiousity about you. She still might want you around and want to date you, but it’s for bad reasons:  you give her attention, social proof, the “boyfriend” checkmark, etc).

Within 30 minutes of a date’s beginning, you’ll usually know whether this is an issue or not. It has nothing to do with interest or lack of interest on her part, but everything with her





Women who text while on a date

Women who send outgoing or look at incoming text messages while on a date send *you* a message about their manners.

Text messaging (or SMS) is popular today, especially with young, single women. It’s not uncommon for them to reach for their phone every 10 or 15 minutes to see who’s texting them or to fire a quick shot off themselves.

However, when on a date, a lady will either turn her phone on silent mode, or save the text messaging until she’s alone– in a bathroom, waiting on you while you’re in the bathroom, etc. If a woman picks up the phone while she’s on a date with you, and she’s NOT obligated in any way to be available for her job, then it’s telling you that she is inconsiderate and selfish.

There are certainly exceptions to this rule. If she’s a mother and needs to check to see if her son is trying to reach her; if she’s awaiting a specific important message; if she’s on call and needs to look at every incoming text. These are all certainly valid reasons for her to be checking her phone.

Use your gut on her text messaging manners. Most women are aware of good manners, but throw out the rulebook when it comes to texting etiquette. If it’s becoming a distraction on your date, you certainly have the option of letting her know that texting while on a date is rude, or to say nothing and move on to the next girl.

How dirty is the inside of her… car?

One shortcut to find out how organized and clean a woman you meet is, is to take a quick look into her car.

The inside of her car is usually an accurate reflection of her apartment’s condition– specifically her kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and closets. A fairly clean interior free of Coke cans, Taco Bell wrappers, shoes, wadded papers, and other junk means she tends to take care of her surroundings.

Peering inside her car, here are some telltale signs of one messy, disorganized girl:

1. Fast food trash
2. Clothing of any kind
3. Shoes in the back seat (think of the smell that’s being transferred)
4. Anything gym-related
5. Beer cans or any other cans
6. Front passenger seat containing more than two handfuls of anything
7. Empty water bottles
8. Any makeup
9. College textbooks

There’s an even deeper extension off of this that you may not realize. If she’s disorganized in her personal space– her car and her apartment are the biggest clues for you– then she’s very likely to be disorganized in other areas of her life. Including professionally.

A woman with messy, disorganized surroundings usually has a lot of mess and disorganization in other areas of her life.

It’s not a hard and fast rule, and there are plenty of exceptions. But you should be open to the possibility of other things being in disarray in her life.

At the very least, it’s fun to do this “car check,” and give her a hard time if she doesn’t pass it. Ask her, “is it true what they say about women with messy cars?” Have fun!