The 80/20 conversation rule on a date

Women speak more than most men, and that definitely holds true on dates (and if you talk more than she does, what are you thinking?! That’s a future article). But when the balance of conversation becomes 80/20 or even greater, you’d better be very careful about picking this woman.

A woman who talks about herself and her life for 15, 30, or 45 minutes straight is a Huge– yes, capital H– warning sign that this woman is overly self-absorbed.

It’s important to remember that a conversation is a two-way street of information, some flowing out and some flowing in. It’s perfectly normal for the “talker” of the two to somewhat dominate the conversation. But when a long stretch of time ensues where the conversation doesn’t redirect, it should serve as a big warning sign. Remember this…

The person that does the talking learns nothing about the other person; the person that does the listening learns everything.

If your date is a heavy talker, and at the end of an hour you look back and she’s only asked you a handful of questions– and she spoke for 50 minutes while you did for only 10, what did she learn about you?

A date is essentially a job interview. You’re there to identify likes, interests, passions, and more about this person to see if there’ a connection. If she dominates the conversation, how much information did she discover about you? Not much. 

Some guys make the mistake of thinking that an 80/20 conversation means the woman isn’t interested. Not necessarily. Your equity in their eyes often rises the longer you let her go on about herself, because her favorite topic is herself (just as it is with anyone– let’s be honest). And if you give her this “Me podium” opportunity, she’s going to be in a great mood.

It’s the negative side of an 80/20 conversation that you should be aware of. She is very likely self-absorbed. As for her feelings towards you, she’s either already pre-approved you (which is why she feels no real need to ask you questions), or she has little curiousity about you. She still might want you around and want to date you, but it’s for bad reasons:  you give her attention, social proof, the “boyfriend” checkmark, etc).

Within 30 minutes of a date’s beginning, you’ll usually know whether this is an issue or not. It has nothing to do with interest or lack of interest on her part, but everything with her